Internal Goodbyes
by CanDoBetterThanThat
Summary: My take on the ending from Slywia's point of view. Slightly AU but could've happened in story since we weren't really given any clue to Slywia and Dominik's lives before they met on the room. One shot, but possibly a two shot soon if I want to write a funeral scene. TW: Suicidal thoughts.


Disclaimer: I do not own Suicide Room and any of the characters mentioned in this one shot. I'd say enjoy, but that doesn't seem like the right word.

I pulled the internet cord from the socket almost immediately. He's dead? He went through with it? No. Please. I rested my hand on the computer chair, trying not to burst out into tears right then and there. I shook while trying to stand up. I looked around the room. Three years. I had spent three years in here since that injury. And it really showed. It did. Around the room were several food wrappers. I had to get out. This was never the plan. FUCK! I had to stay strong. I paced around the room, headed for the door.

I pulled the bag of garbage from right in front of the door. I walked out, looking for the front door. It had been so long that I didn't even remember where the door was for a second. And in that second, my parents both noticed that I was coming out of my room. They knew that something was probably wrong. LEFT! The door was on my left!

I walked outside, remembering that the park was across the road from us. And then I started to jog away. I breathed in, feeling the runny snot come back up my nose.

Dominik was as important as some people held importance to their televisions, movies, books. He was my world now. It had been so long since I had run, I started to shake and wobble around. And there, in the middle of the park, I swayed before I fell to the ground. In my tearful rage, I looked over to the cars at the car park.

Dominik Santorski. Gone. My one true friend in this world. Gone. I wanted to end it all, to be with him for eternity. I wanted to be with him for the rest of our lives.

One thing passed over my mind. He never knew that I was one of his classmates three years ago. He didn't know that I was there for him. He didn't know that was me. He didn't know that I would be there for him through everything. And it's my entire fault that he's dead. I watched around the park, noticing that the world had changed since I'd locked myself in my room. I felt the world was going to collapse on me.

A mother now had lost a son because of me. A school had lost a student. I had lost someone who understands me. It was so beautiful out here. And now we'd never get to experience it together. We'd never get to go anywhere with our lives. He's dead and I'm still here. Still alive.

A painful scream came out of my mouth. It was blocked from fully forming. It sounded like an old metal door's screeching. I remembered that time, three and a half years ago, that he came to this park and we sat here all day. Back when my hair was still brown, long and back before I had locked myself in the room because of the bullies. Because of everyone at school who ridiculed me because I was 'strange' and not quite the same as everyone else.

Another scream. It sounded like I was dying, something that I felt like doing at the moment. I've got to keep strong though. I didn't want to keep strong though. That was the problem. And I don't think I could break down completely and try to kill myself again. I could never do that to my parents. I love them. I can't do it to them.

It turned into cries of pain. It turned like I was starting to cry, something I had been doing for about a minute now. I hadn't seen him for three years. And it was a mistake messaging him. I didn't mean to send that to him. I didn't mean to, but now his life is gone because of my stupid mistake.

It had been two years and eleven months since I had felt this bad, since I had cried this hard. My voice, I could tell, was coming out raspy. My eyes were closed, and all I could think about is him. Dominik.

I looked back to my apartment block. I felt so bad, could I tell anybody how bad I really felt. And the funeral, wouldn't the letter from his parents show up for that, if they remembered me, if they still thought that I would go, if I would be interested. Oh. Wow. I don't think I could go to the funeral. But I had to. I had to tell him that I was there for him, that I was there for him in two ways in two separate time periods. Three years ago and up until the day he disappeared.

Another scream, this time, I thought I could hear an echo of my scream. I thought that I was screaming so badly it would require attention. And my world had fallen apart again. My life was the internet for three whole years. And now, everybody had left the internet world because of Dominik. Because I let him in and accepted him.

A loud scream. I didn't want to ever get up again, to ever even have to face the world again. I didn't want to die. I shouldn't go back to my bedroom, but I don't know where else to go. Everybody I knew has moved on by now, accepted that I'd never be there for them because of that injury. Because of those bullies deciding to pick on me all the time.

I screamed, feeling the tears starting to build up in my eyes. I didn't want to cry, but I felt like I had to, felt like it was the only way to deal with it. Just like masking myself up on chat with Dominik. I looked down to the ground, the green grass still brighter than ever. And I felt a sniffle. I slowly lay along the ground, trying not to think about it.

And the last thought that popped into my mind before I succumb to the tear filled rage in me, was that he would never know that it was me, Klara Maryla, that loved him. Not the Slywia character I had invented to cope with my bullying, to cope with my self harm, and above all, to cope with the fact that nobody loved me in this world. That I was almost completely alone now.

**Author's Note(s)**: I hope you enjoyed that, and maybe cried as much as I cried. And that name that I came up with was just something that came up when I went through a Polish name generator. Please leave a review telling me how I went or if I contradicted the plot at all. Thank you for reading.


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